Bulletin Board
Rants, Raves, Interesting Science & Awful Puns
January 29, 1999

Signs Of The Times

You have been warned.

Home sapiens? Here are some samples of consumer-item warnings that a friend sent me, presumably deemed necessary to protect us from ourselves. Surely it has to be over for the human race soon.

On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Added by Nick Bucska on 9 February 2001:
On a felt-tip marker:
Swallowing this product may be harmful or fatal

Content © The Estate of James P. Hogan, 1998-2014. All rights reserved.

Page URL: http://www.jamesphogan.com/bb/bulletin.php?id=24